I was older than I wished I was when I realized the beauty and miracles that happen when you create space for yourself to rest and to create and just be. I had been a self proclaimed multi-tasker, spinning my wheels on the unforgiving motor run by other people’s wants and needs. This put me in a constant state of adrenaline and stress. The pain wasn’t so great that I would stop what I was doing. But just enough to make me not experience living. Just Living. And the bliss that there is in that.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am no hypocrite. And many people would say, looking at my life, that I am busier than most. I have reconciled myself to that. I am naturally more busy, more active, than other people. There is a truth to that in my natural energy. I have learned to not judge that in myself. But the equally important truth is that I can also enjoy the living of my life without being frantic, worried, searching, longing.
And this is where the freedom lies. Just living.
Yesterday I had set an intention to not plan anything at all except for my weekly meeting with the Q’ero elders and my beloved classmates to dive deeper into the divination with Mother Corn. And so when I went to bed Friday night, I put aside the laptop, I practiced some breathing, and I let myself fall into the soothing energies of the night where there is nothing to do but to just be. And in that space I asked my dreams to form around me and to clear the space for restoration to occur during the day so that I could serve the world the best way I can in the coming week.
And so with all intention, when it is specifically stated, spoken with heart and backed by wisdom, I had a miraculously fulfilling and joyous day. It began by lazily lounging with the love of my life and then going for a walk on the canal together. We passed by a celebration of sorts and were amazed by the appearance of the Wampanoag tribal day at Aptuxcet Trading Post on the canal. Not having any money with us (we were just walking after all) we stood at the far edge, listening to the beautiful music of the singers and trying to catch a peek through the trees of the dancing I love so much. Wouldn’t you know a beautiful older woman caught us, arms around each other’s waists, my toes tapping in rhythm to the drumming, and invited us in! Such a special treat to be a part of the vibrant sharing of this indigenous tribe who has suffered such indignity and yet keeps it’s heart open for all to join!
We stayed until our tummies were rumbling, telling us to go home, and I stopped by the canal to make my quiet offering to my Paqarina and Apu Kuna in the Andean tradition. I made a yummy lobster mac and cheese and stewed tomatoes with fresh tomatoes from our favorite farm stand. And I gave a beautiful healing to a client that I had offered a free Animo Wakay to. There was no pressure, no “have to’s” or “shoulds”. There was just open hearted giving and in return I was able to more deeply practice this new gift.
Later in the day after an excellent class with Don Fernando, Don Juan and Donna Rosita learning about the Q’ero traditions of death and dying, I felt called to practice my divination with Mother Corn and to make a haywariquy for a personal healing for myself. Spending a couple of hours in practice and prayer, I felt nurtured and supported by doing a healing for myself and by connecting deeper to the energy beings that I work with, live with, and love.
The day ended with a painting session with my youngest daughter. Just a little work as I finish up my Earth painting for my Vision Quest class taught by Whitney Freya. I notice as I struggle with the obstacles of my own perfectionism that this practice has softened me a bit into letting go and allowing life to happen in a way I had not allowed before. And look at the magic this letting go allows in! The shift is very pleasing but I promise to not get too attached to this either. Because I do not want to hook myself into my own expectations and be led by the nose of ego again. But I do intend to allow as much space as I can into my life to be fully free and to enjoy each moment as I live it. And to allow gratitude flow for all of my teachers, whether they intend to teach me or not.