All of creation is a breaking down and building up process… the breaking down of old ideas to make room for new thoughts to enter, the breaking down of muscle fibers to build new stronger muscles, the breaking down of the barriers we create in our hearts to make room for new connections of love to grow. When we stay stuck in separate mind, this breaking down can seem painful, so painful that we avoid it for risk of losing what we identify as self. We become fearful, guarded, stuck in our old patterns, our old looping behaviors. And we remain stuck out of fear of a pain we never risk experiencing. And we question why? Why am I still here? Why have my relationships not gotten better? Why have I not succeeded where others around me seem to have done so? And we choose to judge and dislike ourselves instead of risking losing what little we do have!
But who am I if not made of broken pieces and glorious new additions? Doesn’t it make more sense to love me whole than to love myself in pieces?
One of the best teachings ever spoken to me was by my mentor and friend, the co-owner of this glorious creation we are embarking on.
Fear is just an energy. Like love, like pain, like sadness and happiness, it is part of the energy all around us, the energy that surrounds us every single day. You cannot avoid it. Because it is always there. And so, let fear move in, and move through you. When you meet the energy of fear and you move forward anyways, that is the true definition of being fearless.
And so begins my newest adventure of meeting fear and moving through that energy anyways.
Here we are at the new store location, scraping and painting and tearing things up. I found joy in the physical activity, and I have to admit, the destruction. Making room for something beautiful.
But the story doesn’t end there. My shoulder pulled, I let doubt creep in…
Maybe I wasn’t strong enough, Maybe I wasn’t brave enough… I reached and touched lows that I thought I had left behind a long time ago.
And then the real magic happened.
Help that I was still afraid to ask for, or to believe in. Friends checked in on me, working on my shoulder, praying for me. I received texts and calls of encuragement and happiness at what we are doing here. My High School students popped up out of the blue asking for, and listening to, the messages of love and healing that I transmit. They showed understanding of the Natural Laws that I explained to them to help them understand the chaos they too often see in their world and to give them tools to not entrain to the chaos. My mentor listened to me as I poured out fears that I had never been able to acknowledge, judgements that I didn’t want to admit. And she loved me anyways.
My daughters and my love supported and stayed with me as I “got messy” as I call it, again and again, fighting the doubts and the insecurities I am always too afraid to show.
And I finally got that felt sense of the strongest, bravest tool that we can use to move through the fear. And that is the vibration of LOVE.